Say hi to depression

How can somebody sink so low and so fast in your eyes?
thats a question I ask myself repatedly.

Right now i feel lost, maybe i should be more religious? haha.
No but, i feel lost, since the one person in the world i used to look up to the most is all of the sudden feels dead to me. He's not the person i grew up thinking he was.
He has gotten more selfish, foolish, inconsiderate and mean in every kind of way and i cant help but to feel sad and hurt about it because i miss the image i once had of him, I miss the good childhood i thought i had.

It hasn't hit me before now that he's been like that for so long, so all those years i was all like "hey my life at home is great" all of it has been a lie. because i've been selfdestructing myself all those years.

Now mostly all i do is cry. Cry for what i have lost, cry for the people i once thought i could trust and talk to about everything.
I miss my freedom.