Say hi to...

My night thoughts.


Take my hand and lets fly away to the land of dreams where there's nothing else but peace, love, happyness and calmness.

Tonight I literally felt my own heart break to a thousands of peices.
I hide my pain inside the many layers of jokes and laughters.
And i guess...its kind of obviouse, my biggest problem though is that whenever i feel sad or depressed my body gets ill too, i get sick when im sad and its really not good, but there's not much i can do about it either.

I feel like my heart and soul is broken in a bunch of peices and i would love to fix them all but..i guess its easier to say that "im going to get happy, just give me some time" but what we all dont get is that..happyness is a mood that we honestly dont feel all that much, and its not a destination, you cant wish to get happy because we always find something that makes us sad and makes us selfdestruct.

God createt the earths biggest threat, the humans.
And we humans are either busy destroying eachother or ourselves.

We fear things and we always look down on ourselves
We want what we cant have
We hide our sadness with shallowness and by trying to get confirmation by others.
Like for us girls, we destroy eachother and search for guys to tell us that we're good enough.

We work so hard on being everything, especially us girls.
us girls this is what most people think we should be, even we try to follow it.
we're not supposed to be fat and definitly not too thin
not smart but not dumb
friendly but not too friendly
dont be a whore, but dont be a prude either.
look good but not to good.
stand out but not so much that people will notice you too much
and ofcourse the golden rule, be yourself, but make sure you fit in.

We people are proberbly the funniest and most retarded thing out there, arent we?
we hide our true feelings and ways by covering it up with the complete opposite.
We hide our desperation for love and confirmation by hornyness and shallowness.
We want to be the best without standing out to much
We dont want people to talk trash about us but still do it towards others.

i gotta feeling...

that i want to chop off my freaking left leg and arm!!!!

Srsly...I was on my way to the buss station, and since my buss was supposed to go in like...4 minutes i decided to run, NOT A GOOD IDEA...just saying...
I fell on the snow..ice..street, whatever, what's important here is that i fell and like..now..my left hand and leg is in extreeeme pain its like..not even funny how much it hurts D:

Someone wanna chop it off for me?:D

Almost figured out

Helloow~

So I'm at school right now...sitting in my ...well..computer class, trying to listen to my stuttering teacher.
But mosly im just ...doing other things on the computer being on Facebook, youtube etc.

But anyways so I've been thinking alot about what i want to do after im done studying and i've talked alot with teachers at my school that i really wanted to study abroad in countries like..Japan or South Korea.
But then one of my teachers told med about this "travel and teach" program.
Which is that you can basically go to a contry like south korea and teach english.
english teachers is definitly needed in asian countries too so this thing really got me going, i'm studiyng more than ever now just because i want to be able to do ..well hopefully both of these things :)

You think i could make it as an english teacher in south korea or japan?:)
I got two and a half years left before i graduate though..so i can train my ass off at being able to EXPLAIN english :D

Say Hi To ....

SATAN!!!!!!


haha naah, just kidding. (..yes this is pretty much lame humor but thats me i guess ..stay tuned and you will see more of it :))

So anyways, right now i feel like well..i'm not going to get my weekend D:
or well ..i am but still not O.o
So today some of my mom's and her boyfriends coming over with their daughter who is about the same age as one of my little brothers proberbly ( about 5-6 maybe..)
and well..i dont really feel like joining them but then again, i have to because thats the cruelity of life i guess... :)

And then tomorrow I'm supposed to babysit my neighbours daughter for like..from 2.30 till 12.00 in the night, so yeah..thats for a long time..hopefully i can bring my computer though :)
because their daughter is VERY diciplined so there wont be so much problems there, i've babysitted her before too :)

Say Hi To....

The most wonderful song forever and ever.....

Say Hi To....

ME A COUPLE OF WONDERFUL YEARS BACK

Say Hi to..

Long Time No See Friend~


It's been a long time since I wrote something here, but honestly i've been swamped with homework, home situations and work.

YES I work :), and well a lot of my friends always get shocked by the fact that i'm working because well it isn't really that common in Sweden that girls(or boys) in my age is already working^^
But yes i am working, I've been working now for about...3 years i think, and well..it's not a dream job i'll admitt that but it pays pretty good:)
I clean at this office my mom used to work at once a week for about 2 hours and for that i get 120 swedish kronor, So it is actually pretty decent if you ask me:)

But anyways back to whats new..well..today it has FINALLY started to snow in my little city :)
I was starting to feel left out when some of my friends that lives in another city has snow and well..i dont D:
BUT NOW I HAVE SNOOOW!!!!!!!! WIE!!!!

AND well i though i should upload a oicture now thats been taken recently:)
the Picture is taken and edited by moi ^^

What do you think?^^ is it atleast..DECENT?o.o...
oh well..i myself actually like it ^^ so i hope you will too:)

Say Hi To....

Working Girl~

So Right now I'm just trying to finnish up my homework thats for tomorrow which is to write about the monument of Che Guevara in santa clara in Cuba. It's really not that hard, I'm just very unfocused haha :)

I actually only started to read about this because of my friend Isabel who actually is from Chile, she and i had a hard time to choose a monument(we were supposed to work in pairs) and well..i wanted to read about the ruins of Elizabeth Bathorys castle, but she wanted to read about Balto. So well..we sat and looked after something to read about that we BOTH would get all hyped up on..and well..we got to Che Guevara :)

I'm actually finding him really intresting and its fun to read about him, his whole history is really really intresting and just very facinating, although...i guess its more fun to read about him when you see him as a freedom fighter, rather than a murder, there are so many diffrent stories about what and who he was so :)
but i choose to believe that he was a freedom fighter actually :)

recognize him? :)

rawr~

So My plan to start weightloss program yeasterday didnt work so well..because..yeah i got EFFING SICK, and well..not being able to speak, breath through your nose, and sneezing so it feels like your about to throw up AND actually throwing up...not really feeling that its a great time to start with it now...so I'm proberbly going to start with it on monday, when im hopefully healthy and good to go :)

So Anyways..this day kind of sucked..because well i was sick and then my internet didnt work before like now so my whole day has been computer free, which is good by i was bored out of my mind, so bored i even talked to my cat even though i shouldnt talk because my voice is all messed up..

Also today i got to know that one of my friends proberbly needed me and i wasnt able to be there for her D:
kind of sucks...so well..im just going to have to see tomorrow if she loggs in on msn or something so i can check with her whats going on o.o.
i hate not being able to be there for the people i care ebout >:

Imma Eat your brains...

Say hi to..

An Awesome Song~



Credits to my Twiniie Anna who showed me this one, even though i wasnt too happy about it in the beginning..because well..it made me cry D:

kuuukuuu~

Tomorrow I'm finally starting my training, I really want to loose weight so well..first of so i can feel better about myself, to get healthier and to be able to buy the clothes i really want that always stands in "one size" ^^
So tomorrow i'm finally starting my diet ..which..well its not rly that big of a diet its more of ..well rules i have for myself? wanna see them?
i dont care im going to show them anyways :)







MY RULES FOR WEIGHTLOSS~
* Don't eat snacks, eat real food and at certain times.
* EXERCISE!!!
* Don't starve yourself and don't eat like its your last meal ever.
* Sleep well
* drink water rather than coca cola etc.
* have one or two days where you can eat a little bit more..freely, but dont go overboard with it. Just because you can eat a peice of cake that day doesnt mean you have to eat until you pass out.
* dont eat just because you're bored or THINK that your hungry (i do that alot lol)

So those are my rules that i have so far :)
And i thought i should keep you guys updated on what i'm doing, or well..if its working atleast :)

BUT ANYWAYS, now to my day, it has been pretty good, not the best but it has been really decent and i havent felt depressed at all today actually, i havent really been over extatic either though but hey, i cant complain ^^
Im slowly but surely getting more and more happy i guess, back to my old self ^^

Say Hi to exhausted!

Can you see how tired i am? haha :)

But anyways, GUESS WHAT ?
Today was the first day of school after i've had one week of autumn break.
It was actually really tireing since I just felt like i wanted to go back to my room and pull the cover over my head so I could just get some rest.
It somehow tells me now that getting to bed late the day before school, NOT such a good idea haha :)

So anyways, todays school..I started at 8.45 am and had a history class, so i mostly sat through the whole lesson looking for facts about the acient greece at the computer and then i had 2 hours and 30 minutes lunch and then art class, where i FINALLY finished my comic that i had to do.

we were doing a comic on the book we've read in swedish class, I've read this really good book called "Fallen Girl" by Christina Wahldén. Which was about a girl who basically got pushed down her balcony by her father and big brother because she was starting to rebell a little bit against them by not wanting to get married and wanted to keep studying.

Its a really sad book, which is partly why i loved it so much.
I also got to know that in 2007 there were atleast 4 girls here in sweden who "fell" down from their balkonies. Which i personally think is effed up because ..i just dont get the whole honor killing thing, and i proberbly never will since i dont think its something to understand, in my head its just simply wrong. end of story.


But anyways here's my comic that i made :)
it looks a little bit weird..but hey, i think it came out pretty decent ^^

Here we are..

Heard of them before? ^^
if you havent i DEFINITLY suggest that you should, they are all so talented and i love their music and music videos, its just so diffrent from what you mostly see in music these days, atleast i think so :)
LISTEN, SUPPORT, LOVE :)

It Can't Be Real~

So I just finished listening to Lim Jeong Hee aka. J-Lim's new album and i have to say that she just keeps blowing me away, her voice is definitly AMAZING.

So i thought i should share the tracklist of the album and my personal thoughts of every song ^^


01 Real (Intro)
I thought this was a really beautiful, thats like all i can say. It was very very very beautiful and i could totally imagine hearing this in one of those beautiful expensive resturants o.o.
It was simply amazing ^^

02 진짜일 리 없어 / It Can't Be Real
I honestly didnt think she should've chosen this sing as the main song for this album, she had much better songs in this album she could've used. I actually thought this song was pretty good, but it wasnt that REMEMERABLE, and when a song isn't rememerable it becomes background music, no one really listen to it or pay attention to it all that much. But she sounded absolutely amazing in it though :)

03 헤어지러 가는 길 / On the way to break up (Feat. Jo Kwon of 2AM))
I looooved this song. I love how her voice sometimes sounded broken and torn down. And then when Jokwon started singing in it to aahhh~ his voice is so so smoooth and absolutely awesome. this song was really calming in a way and definitly worth to listen to over and over again.

04 내가 미워 / I hate myself
This song, ah how should i start... I didnt love it, but it was close to love. It was one of those songs where everything is right but you dont get goosebumps or any sudden rush that tells you "damn..this song..just changed my life" or something like that. So it missed the "IT" part, so even though it was a great song i felt like that it was missing something o.o

05 재 / Ashes (feat. Bulletproof Boy Scouts)
this song was definitly my favorite!
The rapper was so powerfull at all his parts and j-lims voice was just simply amazing. Its a song that i described before, it gave me goosebumps and i wondered where this song had been all my life.

06 아직 내 남자야 / Still My Man
I loved the sound this song brought, it was something new with J-lim if you ask me this song made me happy even though it felt like this song was about something bad. it made me wanna dance around in my room with an umbrella and just ..feel the rush of life go through my entire body :)

J-Lim - Ashes (feat. Bulletproof Boy Scouts)

Forever and ever...

one of the best songs..

Say hi to depression

How can somebody sink so low and so fast in your eyes?
thats a question I ask myself repatedly.

Right now i feel lost, maybe i should be more religious? haha.
No but, i feel lost, since the one person in the world i used to look up to the most is all of the sudden feels dead to me. He's not the person i grew up thinking he was.
He has gotten more selfish, foolish, inconsiderate and mean in every kind of way and i cant help but to feel sad and hurt about it because i miss the image i once had of him, I miss the good childhood i thought i had.

It hasn't hit me before now that he's been like that for so long, so all those years i was all like "hey my life at home is great" all of it has been a lie. because i've been selfdestructing myself all those years.

Now mostly all i do is cry. Cry for what i have lost, cry for the people i once thought i could trust and talk to about everything.
I miss my freedom.

So Happy~